16 Feb That’s Not Me
One thing I hear people say a lot is something along the lines of, “I can’t believe I did that. That’s not me. That’s not who I really am.” “That’s not me.” When someone is saying, “That’s not me. That’s not who I really am,” what they’re really saying is, “I did something wrong, and the thought of ME doing THAT is very uncomfortable.” So, the tendency becomes to try to separate oneself from the action to avoid the discomfort.
The problem with that line of thinking is that it WAS me. I did that thing. No amount of self-talk can change what has already happened. It WAS me. The reality is… and this is crucial to understand… the reality is THAT IS WHO I AM UNDER THAT SPECIFIC SET OF CIRCUMSTANCES. Everything that was going on inside me and around me came together to trigger that particular response. It was me. It was me under that specific set of circumstances. And as long as I’m in denial about that fact, I’m in danger of doing the same thing again.
The beauty of owning the fact that I did that is that I can learn from what happened and make sure I never do that thing again. As long as I’m telling myself, “That’s not me,” I can’t learn. I’m can’t grow. I’m disassociating myself from my behavior. How can I learn from something I’m not accepting as reality?
I think maybe the most beneficial thing a person gets out of counseling is self-awareness. We all have strengths, and we all have weaknesses. Some of those weaknesses we can get rid of. Other weaknesses may never fully go away. They’re just part of our makeup. That doesn’t make us bad people. It just makes us human. But if we acknowledge them and own them as part of who we are, we can work to make sure we minimize their effects. We can protect ourselves and others from our weaknesses. If we can say, “It WAS me. I did that thing,” we have a chance to evolve into a better version of ourselves.
If there’s a part of you that you don’t like or something you did that you can’t accept, contact us, evolutionmhs.com. Maybe we can help. Evolve. Be Who You Want to Be.